bulldog.

bulldog.

and i always knew he wanted to bark even though he didn’t.

and i always knew he wanted to lick my hand even though i didn’t come near him.

and i always knew he wanted to keep me safe even though he was caged.

and i always knew he wanted to run and play with me even though he was tired.

but i was always busy, or tired, or not in the mood, or indifferent.

he looked at me with his tired eyes, up to the last day of his life he looked at me.

i would like to think that he never had any ill feelings.

i would like to think that the only feeling he had towards me, his owner, was love.

i would like to think that i did everything that i could.

but i am guilty of neglect. plain and simply…i was a bad owner, i was a bad caretaker, i was a bad friend, i was a bad human.

on his last day, he looked like a wreck. he was thin, he was pale, he was dying.

same as always, i came down, went to the cage and put my hand on his head…he struggled to stand up.

he always licked my hand before i went to scholl, or to work…he always licks my hand before i leave..

on his last day, i went down to his cage, looked at him, and then went back up to my room.

i came back down again after a few minutes.

his tongue was out, his eyes were closed.

he was dead.

the last moment we shared: he was him being all dramatic, trying to say goodbye with all of his being, he was bidding me farewell and all i could think about was “where the hell did i leave my phone? maybe i left it upstairs”

the last moment we shared: he was saying goodbye to the only person he loved and i was busy about something else.

the last moment we shared: i was looking at him with pity while he was probably thinking, this is it buddy, im scared but there’s nothing we can do about it..farewell

he said goodbye, and i said nothing.

and all i could focus on now is how guilty i feel.

the selfishness is epic.