I believe in God the Father Almighty, creator of Heaven and Earth.
Growing up, one of my dreams was to be a priest (so I could fuck all the virgin nuns and steal those antique statues and golden crown). My previous teacher in Religion would praise me for being such a saint - instilled in me are the values of a Filipino Catholic. Hey, Mrs. Religion Teacher, I tricked you, I’m a sexual monster trapped inside this cute and cuddly teddy bear-ish body and I know you're using the cross hanging in your altar as a dildo every time you feel the urge to masturbate. Hey, at least you're using a holy-ish sexual paraphernalia which makes your masturbation a sacred routine, whore.
I know the bible so well that I can summarize the New Testament in a few sentences...
Mary is a 14 year old virgin who gave birth to Jesus the Son of God, Jesus washed away the sins of the world by letting the vicious Pontius Pilate crucify him; he died and rose on the 3rd day, went to heaven and fucked all the lovely angels. On judgement day he will save the pure, innocent and holy bitches and bastards who never had an orgasm in their life. However, He will let me suffer and die in a painful and agonizing way for being horny.
I hate going to church, seeing all the sluts and faggots trying to be chaste and moral. Crooks! Going to church doesn't make you venerable. I believe that majority of the people who go to church are sinful motherfuckers whose hearts are filled with guilt for disobeying the 10 commandments, committing sodomy and acting like a monster outside the church.
And father, please forgive me for not believing in any religion, I hate it when a certain group claim to be the best religion in the world. A religion claiming to be the true church of God and the only religion that will save the world from the apocalypse is like watching a commercial of an herbal product which says will help you alleviate the pain yet at the end of the commercial, a NO APPROVED THERAPEUTIC CLAIMS reminder may be seen.
I don’t go to church, I don’t believe in religion but that doesn’t make me a Satan follower. Maaring masama akong tao dahil sa hindi paniniwala sa relihiyon pero sabi nga sa librong Clockwork Orange - "Is a man who chooses the bad perhaps in some ways better than the man who has the good imposed on him?"
O sya mag-inuman na lang tayo sa impyerno!
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